


Don't say a word

by thebasement_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-09-14
Updated: 2002-09-14
Packaged: 2018-11-20 10:36:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11334024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebasement_archivist/pseuds/thebasement_archivist
Summary: Alex receives comfort from former enemies and finds allies when he wants to go it alone. Multiple POV.





	Don't say a word

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

Don't say a word

## Don't say a word

#### by Laurel

Warning: Contains gang rape scene, so if this bothers you go read something else. Not terribly graphic but may be disturbing to some.  
Also contains some violence and torture as well as bad language.  
But if you take a chance, you'll get a happy ending. Archive: Just ask me.   
Status: Complete stand alone story, not part of a series. Spoilers: Up to around season 5. 

I can still feel the hands. Hands clawing at me, hands pulling my legs apart, brutal hands digging into my flesh. 

Now there is no sound. My screams, impossibly loud in the warehouse had died away to a muffled crying. Sobs had echoed in the gray gloom until the hiccupping began, hitching in my chest like a stutter. Only eerie silence is left, beyond the cries, beyond the skitter of rats in the walls. 

The tears washed over my face but I felt far from clean. I was dirty. Felt dirtier than any killing of innocents. I sniffled snot up my nose, not having any tissue handy, not even a sleeve. 

My clothes lay in a heap. The shirt they'd torn off lay in tatters where the switchblade had run through the material, buttons popping off and making a soft clicking sound as they hit the concrete floor. My leather jacket, its soft, buttery comforting presence abandoned in the corner was rebuking me. My jeans and underwear still tangled around my ankles. I tried to pull them up, twisting and squirming on the cold floor. One handed it was slow going. 

My prosthetic arm was carelessly tossed to the side. I'd need to check it out and make sure it wasn't broken. My hips and back hurt and I moaned in discomfort as I tried to shrug my pants on. The aching increased until it was my whole world. 

Sticky cum made the job harder. It wasn't theirs. No, thank God, they'd worn rubbers. Shit, that's all I needed, some kind of virus invading my blood that penicillin couldn't cure. 

It was the Aryan prototype, you know the kind, shaved blonde hair glistening on his head, square jaw that you couldn't knock off, pale blue eyes and a muscle-bound two hundred plus body. Kristoff was the one that insisted they used protection. "Christ only knows where he's been," he'd muttered, to the delight of the other two. 

All three had used them. Which meant the sperm was mine. My body had betrayed me. Hell, my ass didn't know if it was being raped or fucked. All that nub of flesh knew was that it was being penetrated. I'd felt hard when one of them was inside me but shoved the thought out of my head. There had been no conscious thoughts, only a dull black endless space that no one could invade. 

Was it the second guy? Yeah, it was him. Brown eyes like chocolate syrup melting at the sight of me hurting, crying, begging. Bruce's face had lit up with delight before he'd jumped on me. He looked shy and unassuming until he turned the screws, a more dangerous psycho than Cardinale had been. 

The smell of burning flesh was strong in my nose, making my stomach curl and flip around inside me. Kristoff's cigar had burned round circles into my back and arm. That's why they'd taken my arm off. 

Strom was the third one. A wiry, strong guy with a brush cut and sharp strong hands. Those were the hands that had made their mark on me. The bruises throbbed. I'd have them for at least a month before they'd even begin to fade. 

I managed to finally pull up my jeans. I scrabbled across the floor to find my arm. It was fine, if a little dirty and scratched. I sure as hell couldn't put it on though. The searing pain in my arm as the lit cigar bit into the scars had made me pass out. It takes a lot to make me faint. 

I tried to put on my shirt. That took a month of Sundays as my arms were just as sore as the rest of me. I hissed in pain as the fabric touched the burn marks. I whimpered pitifully and told myself to shut up. They'd get theirs. Oh yeah, that's a promise. Spender would be the last. I'd save the best for last. The man who'd ordered me brutalized would get what he deserved in the end. I'd make damn sure death would be a welcome respite for the old fuck. 

Just put one foot in front of the other, pick up your jacket, ignore the pain in your back as your spine cracks, just pick it up, Alex, come on. That's it, now the arm. Where are the car keys? Oh, here they are. Must have fallen out. Don't pass out, don't cry, ignore it, you've had worse. But not rape, never rape. Shit, don't say the word, asshole. Don't even think it. 

* * *

Mulder and Skinner lay side by side on the small hilltop. It was cozy, the warmth their bodies generated in the chill of the night. The sky was a black canvas, full of hard, glittering stars. Their breaths puffed out in plumes of smoke. The hard metal of their FBI issued guns bit into their skin. 

Mulder turned and grinned at his lover as Walter squirmed uncomfortably. A stake out with Walter was usually fun but this one was made more special by the fact that Alex Krycek had been spotted. A rookie agent had tipped them off and now here they were in the cold, watching for a sign of the double agent. 

The trees behind them looked menacing, with their bare branches clawing at the night air. Mulder ignored the spooky spikes of wood and snuggled closer to Walter's hip. Walter's hand shot out and pressed Mulder's body away. 

"Knock it off, " he whispered. 

"Aren't you cold? Doesn't a little body heat sound nice to you right now?" 

Walter glared at him. He glanced at his watch. This supposed meeting with a contact or some such story was beginning to sound like a hoax the longer they lay there. The prickly grass made his legs itch. Mulder squirmed closer, impatient. He sighed. Yeah, he knew how Fox felt. So close and yet no rat in sight. 

"Let's give up the ghost." 

"Let's stay a little longer. He'll show." 

"We've been here nearly three hours. I've drunk a thermos full of coffee. My bladder is protesting, my belly is numb, my feet are cold and that bastard's meeting was supposed to take place over an hour ago. His contact already left. We've put a trace on the guy. He's not showing. Let's go," he said definitively. 

Mulder protested and grumbled some more, disappointed and not a little pissed at Krycek and his boss. Sometimes Walter could be a pain in the ass but this time he was right. It didn't look like Krycek was going to show. 

* * *

Krycek was curled up in a ball on the bed of his skanky motel room. It was no better or worse than other places he'd holed up but he would have preferred the little apartment he sometimes used. It wasn't much to look at but it was clean and tidy, with a nice bed that didn't make him wonder if bugs were nesting in the mattress and he had a few books and cheap paintings to decorate the place. It smelled like home, full of the smells of home cooking from the apartments of the foreigners down the hall; of the musty books he picked up at the second hand store; of the incense he bought by the dozen at the funky little store down the street full of beads and Buddhas; of his leather jacket and leather boots; of the night air when he dared open a window. 

This place was musty all right, but it smelled of prior tenant's rank sweat and cheap beer, of piss and cum that wouldn't wash out of the sheets. That thought made his depression worsen. He'd been here for a few weeks now, longer than he usually would have stayed in such a place. He found he barely had the energy to climb out of bed these days. 

He'd missed his appointment with his contact and now his boss was pissed. More than pissed. Screw him, anyway. It was his fault he'd missed it anyway. Don't think about it. Don't let your mind linger there. Spender was next on his list. He didn't need the old man anymore. He'd outlived his usefulness. The Brit was right, he had been useful, but no more. 

He curled the blanket around him tighter. He'd brought it from home. It still smelled of detergent and that fluffy fabric sheet. He wanted to pick up all the dirty take-out cartons and straighten out the place a bit but he just couldn't get up. 

The pale sun slanted into the hotel room, through the dingy shades. He blinked against the light, ran a hand over his stubbly face. He could use a shave. A bath would be good too. Of course those first few weeks he couldn't get in enough showers. He'd scrubbed his body raw, practically shaving off his skin. Red and raw he'd scrubbed himself. It never seemed enough to get the dirty feeling out. 

He lay his head down on the pillow again. It was too heavy to pick up again. 

* * *

I heard the sounds outside the door too late. There was the murmur of conversation. I must have been really fucked up not to pay attention to it. Any sound had my ears pressed against the cheap wood of the door, my gun in hand. I'd fallen asleep again, amidst the debris of weeks of eating and sleeping in one place, one cramped and dirty room. I could smell myself mingled with the scents of Chinese leftovers, tomato spattered pizza crusts still stuck by strings of cheese to the bottom of the cardboard boxes, half empty cans of Coke long gone flat, laundry that I'd never gotten around to washing. 

There was the shout of Mulder's voice, the door banging open after he'd smashed it open with his foot. The bark of Walter's deep baritone to get my ass up, hands held high. 

I blinked at them stupidly, ignoring all their orders until Mulder picked me up by my tee shirt and shoved me belly down on the bed. I was too stunned to move, just stared at his beautiful, mischievous face as he flushed red with anger and his almond eyes narrowed. 

Walter was behind him, face as impassive as usual except for the eyes. He could have been sitting behind his desk except his eyes burned with fury. Unlike Mulder's explosive emotional face, Walter didn't betray his feelings. The original poker face, stone faced cop. 

I was still in shock as Mulder wrapped one handcuff around my right wrist then searched for a moment for the left one. He hesitated, his hand grabbing at the sleeve of my dirty tee shirt. 

My prosthetic was on the stuffed chair. I'd put it there while I slept, not that I used it much holed up in the room. The chair looked precarious, threatening to explode its stuffing if you sat on the wrong spring. 

The fingers were slightly curled, the material unnaturally white. Mulder looked at it too, then back at me. 

He handed me the arm and told me to put it on but first he checked it out. Probably checking it for weapons. I had to pull up my tee shirt to put it on. 

They watched me quietly, intently. I slipped the shirt back on. Now Mulder could snap on the cuffs. He pushed me through the garbage on the floor. I made him grab my wallet on the way out. He shoved me into the back of the car. I realized I didn't have any shoes on but at least I had socks. 

A woman in tight jeans and a skimpy tank top pushed a baby carriage through the parking lot and towards the sidewalk. The wheels tottered in the gravel. They looked as if they would fall off and roll away through the weed choked cramped lot and continue on down the street. 

The baby wore a stained overall but it smiled happily, a pale chubby kid, boy or girl I couldn't tell, with fuzzy red hair and blue eyes. 

The kid laughed and gurgled as his mother sang. She lit a cigarette and blew smoke rings to the child's delight. Her own red hair was twisted into a braid. Her long fingernails, painted teal, stroked the handles of the carriage. A man shouted after her but she waved him off and kept singing and walking the kid. The guy gave her a rude gesture but instead of chasing after her, lit his own cigarette, snapped the cap off a beer and retreated to the dim interior of his ground floor room. 

"Hush little baby, don't say a word, mama's gonna buy you a mocking bird..." 

I flinched. Someone else's voice invaded my mind. It wasn't the smoke roughened woman's voice anymore but a man's, harsh and gently threatening. 

"Hush pretty baby, don't say a word, or I'm going to burn a hole through you," Kristoff's crooning voice echoed in my ear. I scratched at my ear with my shoulder. I could swear I felt his breath puff in my ear canal. 

I trembled, feeling their hands again. My legs clenched tightly together. 

Kristoff had sung the children's lullaby, twisting the words. I moaned and gagged, letting my head slump against the back of Mulder's seat. 

Walter looked back at me. "Are you sick? Tell me now. Cause I don't want you getting sick in this car." 

I shook my head. "I'm fine." 

He nodded and reversed the car, turning left out of the lot. 

It was a long drive. Neither of them spoke to me. In fact both of them ignored me and I wasn't sure if I should be happy or upset at the situation. 

It's not as if they were actually going to get any information out of me. I was still wanted for questioning in several felony murders but there was no real evidence against me anyway. 

I wasn't scared of jail. I wasn't even scared of being locked in a cell and getting a friendly visit from Spender's thugs to shut me up in case I decided to come clean and squawk. I could fight with the best of them. 

I was much more scared of being alone with Walter and Mulder. There was no defense against either one of them. 

The questioning was exhaustive but I knew how to play the game. I didn't call a lawyer, didn't call anyone, just answered as truthfully as I could. It wasn't as hard as you think it was. I haven't killed as many people as they think I have. I sure as hell didn't kill Mulder's father. In fact I wanted the man alive. He was a valuable man, nearly as priceless as his son but unfortunately I was unable to stop it. 

I didn't tell Mulder that. I couldn't tell him anything specific, anything personal, anything that smacked of the truth he sought. My real mission would be jeopardized and I had to prevent any important information getting in the hands of the one man crusade that is Fox Mulder. If Spender inadvertently found out there were dissenters in his midst, I'd be a dead man. 

I made him get me some water but I declined food. Mulder may not be gallant when it comes to me but he does take pretty good care of his prisoners. 

That left me alone with his partner. Walter had stepped out to take a phone call. 

She looked at me steadily, studying me with no real malice. 

"I didn't kill your sister either," I told her. 

She looked away for the first time. "You were there," she accused softly. 

"Maybe so, but I tried to stop it." 

"Why don't I believe you?" 

"I don't expect you to." 

Mulder came back with a bottle of spring water. Walter came back looking quite dejected. 

"What's this?" I asked. 

"You're free to go, " he announced. 

Mulder dropped the bottle on the table with a smack. He pursed his lips. Scully sucked in her breath but there was no real surprise on her face. 

"There's no evidence against you Alex. You're free to go. You're not being charged with anything. There's nothing we can hold you on. Not the death of Scully's sister, Mulder's father, the abduction of Agent Scully, the disappearance of----" 

"I get it Walter. There's not enough evidence to charge me with any crime. Thanks for the water." 

I stood up and headed for the door, waiting for one of them to escort me out. 

Mulder pushed me back against the wall. "How do you do it? You were there when he was killed, when Scully's sister was shot. How do you get away with it?" 

"I didn't do the things you think I did. That's why there isn't enough evidence." 

"But you were there." 

"I've told you my story." 

"That's all they are, stories, fairy tales. I've never heard the truth come out of your mouth." 

"Fox let him go. There's nothing else we can do here." 

"What about that man you were supposed to meet?" 

"What man?" 

"Bruckman. Yeah, we trailed him, found out his name. If that's his real name." 

"You've been a busy boy." 

Mulder pushed away from me. "You don't deny he was your contact?" 

"Where did you get that information?" 

"Can't reveal my source." 

"Off the record I can tell you." 

Mulder nodded hesitantly. 

"He's working on the hybrid program. He's a doctor. I was supposed to meet him. Get a progress report." 

"Why didn't you? How come you were supposed to meet him? I thought you were just the errand boy and occasional assassin." 

I pulled a face. "Spender ordered me to get the report. The guy is careful, doesn't want to meet in the open." 

"Why didn't you make the meeting?" Walter asked. 

"Something came up." 

"Like what?" 

"My dinner. I was sick. I couldn't make it." 

"The guy left. You could have called Spender to have someone else meet him." 

"That's true," I said evenly. 

"Why didn't you?" 

"Who says I didn't?" 

"The man was trailed all the way back home. He didn't go out again all night." 

"Oh. Well, we got the report at a later date." 

"Hmm, you know somehow I don't believe you," Mulder mused. 

"Do I look like I care?" 

"You must still be sick. You look like crap, your room's a mess. What's the matter with you?" 

"Nothing," I muttered. "Can I leave now?" 

"No. I have another question. Why did you freak out when you saw that woman in the parking lot of the motel?" 

I stumbled over that. "I just was in shock that you found me that's all. Not that there's anything to be scared of," I added. "I don't know anything. I've told you all I know and now I'm leaving unless of course you plan to violate my civil rights and hold me without charging me." 

"Something upset you and I don't think it was us." 

"You're reading too much into it." 

"Is it the oil? Is it making you sick?" Mulder asked with real concern in his voice. 

"No," I said definitely. 

"Then what? Spender did something? Alex was a naughty boy and he spanked you?" he asked impishly. 

I must have gotten as white as the walls. 

"Did he hurt you, threaten you? Alex, come on, help me out here. I know the man can be ruthless. If you want to redeem yourself help me here. You can be on our side still. It's not too late." 

I didn't respond. 

"Come on. You led me to the Weikamp base. You know things. You can help us. We can help you," he said softly. 

His voice was seductive, soothing, crooning. It was easy to see how Scully got sucked into his obsession, why Walter kept him on a short chain which he yanked only half heartedly. I'd do anything to please him too. 

Unfortunately that wasn't going to happen. No, poor Fox wouldn't pick my brain for information on alien hybrids, twisted doctors, the consortium, the clones, nothing. Sorry for your luck. 

He was already dangerous enough as it was. I didn't want to be the one responsible for getting Fox Mulder killed as the man who knew too much. Mulder was much too important to the project. Losing my arm would be the least of my worries. I'd saved his ass before and I wasn't about to put the cute behind on the line again. 

"Let me go," I ordered gently. 

Mulder'd had me for a second but he knew he'd lost me. He gave a sigh and ducked his head, flinging his hand out. 

I took the hint and headed for the door. 

The ride down the elevator was silent. Mulder was to my right and Walter to my left. Scully had taken off by herself. 

Other agents entered and exited the elevator. All of them looked at my feet. I tried to look nonchalant about having no shoes on and almost pulled it off. 

Once outside, I asked Mulder to drop me back off at my motel. I'd need to get my shit together and find another hiding place. 

Spender could only reach me by phone these days. Even if he had someone looking for me, I do justice to the nickname of Rat, finding the cheapest, sleaziest motels to hide out in, places his fearless thugs would approach with caution. I knew how to hide my tracks when it came to traveling as well, never leaving a paper trail, using cash instead of credit cards, putting on a new identity like an outfit. 

Mulder and Walter drove me, only Mulder changed direction, with only a worried glance from his partner and a frown from me directed at the back of his head. 

My heart was sucked into my throat and down again like the Demon Drop ride at an amusement park. I wisely didn't question where he was taking me. Walter didn't question him either but gave a sigh and settled his body against the back of the seat. 

I wriggled my toes together. My feet were getting chilled. My arm hurt and my wrist was scratched by the cuffs. 

Mulder turned into a fairly new subdivision with street names that sounded vaguely familiar: Oak, Moss, Elm, Stonewood, Driftwood, all nature names. Ah shit, his house. Correction, _their_ house. 

"Mulder what the hell are you doing bringing me here?" 

He didn't answer, just drove the sedan around the gently twisting curves until he ended up at a cul-de-sac. The house was red brick with two floors, a large garden in front with clipped shrubs and trees and a short white fence surrounding it on both sides. 

An ivy that scaled the trellis hugged the house. There were a few tulips left, red with yellow spikes like feathers and a large rose bush underneath the bay window. 

The gravel crunched under their feet as they led me into the house. Walter had let me walk on the grass. Considerate of him. 

The neighbor kids were playing street hockey. The sun was dipping low in the sky and soon their mothers would probably call them to supper. Envy and anger were vying for a place in my heart at this domesticity. 

Walter cuffed me to the closet door. He and Mulder went into the den. I knew that because I'd been here before. Not that they were aware of my visit, of course. 

I couldn't hear anything they said, just a low murmur of voices. Mulder came back and undid the cuffs. 

"Don't worry, Krycek. I won't hurt you. Well, not too badly anyway." 

I grunted and rubbed my hand against my jeans. 

"Come on in. This is all informal of course. You told us your official statement but this will be all off the record," he assured me. 

I shrugged and kept my mouth shut. 

I walked ahead of him like he wanted; tense, waiting for him to jump on me and wrestle me to the hardwood floor. Walter sat in an easy chair observing us. His hand gripped a glass with a couple of shots of whiskey in it. The ice rattled as he twirled the glass absent mindedly. 

"Let's talk Alex. Starting with your boss first. How much do you know exactly about the conspiracy and how willing are you to help us?" 

"I'm helping you any way I can Mulder." 

It was the truth. I've given him information in the past. Sometimes an anonymous file has found its way to his desk. I spared Walter and brought him back his precious Scully. What the hell did he want? Undying devotion? I'd gladly give it to him if he asked. 

"Spare me the vague, all-encompassing statements. I want cold hard truths." 

"In the words of Jack Nicholson, you can't handle the truth." 

"Give me something." 

"You know as much as anyone about the conspiracy. You know about the oil and the vaccine, the experiments on the hybrids, the abductions and implants. What else is there to know?" 

"I suppose you're right," he said slowly. "Whose side are you really on?" 

"Whichever side will keep me alive." 

"So you are just a spineless dirt bag then," he concluded. 

"That's redundant." 

Mulder slammed me against the wall and shoved his hand down my pants. "How about we do a strip search? Hiding any important documents in there?" he growled. 

I grabbed his hand hard and tried to twist it so he would have to let go. "Stop it! What's wrong with you?" 

He pushed his thigh between my legs and somehow got loose, all the while turning me to face the wall. I whimpered and yelled louder to no avail. 

His hands were on my hips and his hands quickly searched my pockets then dipped down to unzip my jeans. 

I really lost it then, screaming at him and sobbing all at once. I repeated one phrase over and over even when he pulled away. "Don't touch me!" 

He let go of me and I slid to the floor, my arm wrapped around myself and my legs pushed together so tight my balls ached. 

I was still crying and trembling when he knelt down and put his arm on me hesitantly. 

Walter was hovering above us. 

"Relax, Alex, I didn't mean to hurt you. Really, I just thought maybe you were hiding something from me. Documents, computer discs, something you wouldn't just leave lying around in your motel room. That's all. Please stop crying," he begged. 

The only problem was I couldn't stop. "Don't touch me, please." 

"I won't. See, hands off." He waved his hands in front of me. "Let's get you up okay?" He moved towards me to pick me up. 

I shook my head and grasped myself tighter. 

"Or we can just stay here on the floor. That's okay too," he agreed in that gentling voice of his. 

Walter handed me his handkerchief and I wiped at my face. In a little while I stood up shakily, brushing off efforts from them to help me. 

Walter made me some hot tea and Mulder just stood there, not talking, which was just fine by me. 

Just as wordlessly Walter handed me the china mug with steaming herbal tea forming a cloud above the rim. He'd added honey just the way I like it. I drank it gratefully, the trail of warmth burning its way down to my stomach and warming me. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Mulder asked. 

"No." 

"Look I can only guess what happened to you but I don't especially like playing guessing games." 

"I thought you lived for theories." 

Mulder smiled. "Did someone hurt you Alex?" 

I nodded. 

"Okay that's a start. Spender?" 

"Not personally." 

"No he doesn't like getting his hands dirty. He usually gets other people to do his work." Mulder nodded at Walter. Walter grunted. 

"That's right, usually. Unless he's personally involved." 

"What does that mean?" 

"I'd rather not say." 

"Okay. That leaves either his thugs or lackeys to do the dirty work. Unless of course he's coerced someone higher up, perhaps." 

"Thugs." 

"By your reaction I'd say it was more than a beating." 

I nodded again. 

"Sexual assault?" 

Again I nodded, lowering my head even more. 

He took a deep breath. Walter muttered some curse under his breath. 

"Why would they do that?" 

"Teach me a lesson." 

"Sick fuck. How long ago?" 

"Three months." 

"Did you go to a doctor?" 

I shook my head. 

"Why not?" 

"Too ashamed." 

"Alex it wasn't your fault. You could have been seriously hurt internally. Did they beat you?" 

"Yeah. They burned me too." 

"Burned you with what?" Walter asked. 

"Cigar." 

He swore again. 

"How bad?" 

"I already have scars on my arm so those marks don't make much of a difference but I put some antibiotic burn cream to minimize the scarring and prevent infection." 

"Let me see." 

"No." 

"All right." He sighed. "Have you gotten any counseling or anything?" 

"No." 

"Why not?" 

"Too embarrassed." 

"Alex you were in the F.B.I. You know that sexual assault is a power trip. It wasn't your fault. They were trying to hurt you, break you down, humiliate you. It wasn't sex." 

"I know," I said quietly. 

"I know someone. She's very good at this sort of thing." 

"No, Mulder. I don't want to talk to anyone about it." 

"You're delaying the healing process. Emotionally you are a wreck Alex. How on earth can you continue in the shape you're in?" 

I shrugged. "I just take it one day at a time." 

"How are you going to deal with it?" 

"First I'm going to find those three bastards and teach them a lesson. They're going to be begging for death by the time I'm through with them. Next I'll deal with Spender. He's an ancient dinosaur. He doesn't know how to deal with the syndicate anymore. The only thing he's interested in is saving his own ass. There are more intelligent and sensible men than him to take his place." 

"Who, you?" 

"I didn't say that. I am important to them Mulder. I know more than they realize. I'm in a unique position here to do the most good. Let's just leave it at that." 

Mulder sighed. "All right. Say you help us by staying on the inside. Then what?" 

"I can give you certain kinds of information. I can bring the syndicate down but it's a delicate thing Mulder. I need free reign with my contacts and the members of the syndicate to do my work my way. I have contacts within the alien faction. They're working with me and several others to deal with the colonization project. I can't tell you anything specific though. It would risk other people who are important to the rebellion, not to mention those aliens who are helping us." 

"That's it? That's all you can tell me?" 

"Yes, I'm sorry, but that's it. You have to let me operate my way. If there are people who get hurt in the process I can't help that but you need to trust me." 

"Say I do trust you to do the right thing. What about you?" 

"What about me?" I frowned at him. 

"You need someone to take care of you." 

I shrugged. "I can take care of myself." 

"Yeah, you're doing a great job of it," he scoffed. 

"It's the best I can do right now." 

"Do you have a place to live? I mean besides the charming motel room we found you in." 

"I have an apartment." 

"We have an extra room. It'll be tricky. We have to be careful so no one finds out about you staying here." 

"What do you mean?" 

Mulder looked steadily at Walter who stared back solemnly at his lover. There seemed to be an unspoken communication between the two of them. Walter nodded gently, his brown eyes growing warm and solicitous when he looked at me. 

"You can stay with us whenever you need to. We'll take care of you in whatever way you need and let us. If you have any clothes, anything else you need to bring here, I'll help you pack. We'll need to constantly monitor the house, make sure there aren't any bugs, and I'm not talking roaches." 

Walter snorted. "I think the gunmen would appreciate getting a chance to improve our security system." 

"Great idea." Mulder turned to me. "What do you say?" 

I hesitated, not sure if it was such a good idea. I had to keep Mulder at arm's length to ensure his survival. He was the most important part of the project. He could not be sacrificed, no questions asked, never mind that I liked the neurotic bastard. He had a place in my heart from the first. Walter was an integral part of the equation, much like I had discovered Scully had been. It was going to be hard enough to keep my ass out of hot water, bring the consortium down like a pile of building blocks, stop the alien colonization, expose the hybrid project _and_ keep the intrepid trio safe all at the same time. I always did like a challenge. 

"Okay, you got it. But we do things my way, no questions asked, no heroics on your part, complete secrecy, got it?" 

"I can't even ask a few questions?" 

"All right you can ask me questions but we do things my way, Mulder. I understand what all the various factions are doing, the aliens, the politicos, the syndicate, including Spender. I'm going to play it like a chess game, carefully executed and decisive. What I need from you, Walter, Scully and even your paranoid friends may enter the equation, is complete trust and help in any way, shape or form that I ask of you. It may include illegal acts, in fact, I can guarantee that a lot of things we'll be doing will be illegal. Think you can handle that?" 

Mulder looked slowly at Walter who gave a slight nod I barely registered and then he turned back to me. "Whatever it takes, I'm up for it." 

He held out his hand for me to shake. I could see by the serious look in his eye that he was sincere. I took it carefully and Walter added his own big paw to our hands and held them together. 

* * *

Epilogue: 

It had been a busy year for everyone. A year in which many truths were learned, new alliances were formed, old ones betrayed and the war was over. It ended with a bang and a whimper. A bang from dynamite to blast away the last of the labs that held scientists playing at being God and a whimper from the syndicate. What was left of it anyway. 

The syndicate was gone, Spender dead from the cancer that slowly ate away at him. The only consolation was that it wasn't a quick bullet that did him in but his own vice that had him in its grip. 

Somewhere in the Nevada desert were three corpses, rotting and being picked apart by the wildlife. They could only be identified by fingerprints or dental records after what I'd done to them. True to my promise to myself, they begged for me to kill them. I gave them what they asked for but it took a hell of a long time. 

I kept my promises and so did Fox and Walter, to band together and fight as a team, on the same side. I'd kept other promises too: the promise to stay healthy and sane, to deal with my traumas. It wasn't easy to keep but with their help I was able to deal with my own life. It was scary letting Mulder into my head but also strangely comforting. I'd been alone so long, my mind wrapped in unraveling the conspiracy, that I was relieved at letting someone else take care of me and my emotional baggage which was damned heavy. It was an odd occurrence when a grueling session didn't end with me being held by Mulder, Walter or both of them, being soothed within their warmth and compassion. 

We capped off the last battle with a party that was small but loud. Walter and Fox hosted and I was the special guest. Scully was there and so were the lone gunmen. That was it for the list but it was the best party I'd ever been invited to. 

We had a catered dinner of course. Mulder couldn't make up his mind between Chinese and Italian so we had both. A few bottles of red wine to drink it all down and everyone was feeling fine. Scully laughed and blushed at Frohike's attempts to charm her. Langley and Mulder sang at the karaoke machine all night. Byers loosened his tie and Walter smiled a gorgeous knockout smile you couldn't wipe off his face. 

One by one they all left until I was alone with our hosts. I knew when it was time to leave a party. I never outstay my welcome. I grabbed my leather jacket and prepared to say goodnight. 

"Where you going?" Mulder asked. 

"I've got plans to make." 

"Stick around." 

"Party's over." 

"I think this is just the beginning." 

Walter smiled from where he was sitting on the couch. He had a glass of Scotch in his hand. The bottle of Glenfiddich I'd given him was opened and he took a healthy drink. I figured he wouldn't be smiling in the morning if he kept drinking like that. As if reading my mind he capped the bottle. 

"Stay Alex," he commanded. 

"I've got a lot of stuff to do Walter." 

"Tonight we celebrate" 

"I thought we'd already done that." 

Maybe he'd opened the bottle sooner than I realized. 

"We're not finished." 

He stood up, definitely not unsteady on his feet. He put down the glass and walked up to me. He wiped away the frown I could feel on my face with his finger. I was even more shocked when he leaned down and kissed me gently on the lips. It wasn't a forceful kiss. It wasn't sloppy or wet, just gentle but insistent, until my mouth opened a bit and he sucked my lip into his mouth. 

My arms went around him immediately. The heat of his kiss made me forget Mulder was standing two feet away and probably pissed as hell. 

When he let go of me he smiled and gestured with his head at Mulder. Mulder was smiling too and I could barely react before he spun me around and laid a kiss on me that made my head feel like it was going to explode. 

If it was all just a dream, don't wake me up. But it wasn't. I asked Mulder to pinch me just in case. He laughed and pinched my ass gently, all the same. 

"Come upstairs with us," he asked. "If you're not ready, it's okay. We'll just lie down together, the three of us." 

"You're sure?" 

"Yeah Alex we're sure. We love you," Mulder said gently, planting a gentle kiss on my cheek. He smelled of cologne and wine. I closed my eyes, just savoring the scent of him, the feel of him, so warm against me, the light rasp of his stubble against my cheek tickling me. 

When I opened my eyes, they were both smiling at me. 

"We love you Alex," Walter said. 

He held out his hand to me and I took it gratefully. They led me upstairs to their bedroom. 

I was starting to get nervous now. As if sensing my feelings they backed away, but I didn't want to be alone. I asked them to join me. 

They snuggled up next to me, Walter on my right, Mulder on the left. They were both warm, flushed with victory. Their arms wrapped around me sweetly. I didn't feel threatened in the least, didn't want to wriggle out of their combined grasp. 

Instead I just closed my eyes and savored the sensations of being surrounded by warmth, their mixed scents of cologne and skin and sweat. 

I rolled on my side so I could feel Walter hugging me from behind. His muscular arms wrapped snuggly round my middle. I pushed against him until his leg wrapped reassuringly around mine, holding me captive in his embrace. 

Mulder turned to face me. He smiled that lopsided way he has and I found myself smiling back. He kissed me gently, his hands caressing my face as if learning my bone structure. His kisses were soft, butterfly strokes that left a tingling pattern on my skin. Who knew he could be capable of such tenderness with me when all I'd felt was the violence of his elegant hands or the cruelty that spouted from his mouth? 

Now there was only the sweetness of his gentle kisses, of his moist lips that tasted of wine, pressing a trail everywhere, tracing my face, kissing my eyelids closed, nipping at my throat. Behind my closed eyes I could see only his gentle face, glowing with love. I felt only the slightest pressure, the tantalizing ghost like presence of his generous mouth, like the gentlest breeze, like the whisper of a flower petal across my skin as he kissed me. 

He didn't stop until he reached the open collar of my shirt and when I opened my eyes, he asked me if he could go further. I nodded my consent and he slowly unbuttoned the shirt, pushing the fabric away. He didn't stop kissing me until my chest panted with desire and my cock began to stir to life. 

Walter joined the joint seduction with his strong hands caressing my back, slowly massaging the column of my spine with his strong but gentle fingers. Sometimes it was a ghostly caress, barely registering but still making my skin hum, sometimes circling random patterns and stroking harder, easing the tension and making my body fully aware of his gentle seduction. 

His mouth began to work in tandem with Mulder's, so that they were on either side of me, kissing and licking at my neck and down my throat, until they found every sensitive spot, behind my ear, at the nape of my neck, my collarbone, down to each vertebrae and my nipples, the shirt slowly being working off my shoulders, until they crossed each other's path and headed back to where they had started from. 

Mulder's hands hovered over my zipper until I nodded. He pushed my jeans down until I was half dressed. Walter helped me with my shirt. I took my prosthesis off myself, letting Walter place it on the chair for safety. I urged him to take off his shirt. I wanted to feel his warm naked skin against mine. He undid the buttons with trembling hands while me and Mulder watched. Fox held me closely, nuzzling my neck with his nose. I realized he was trying to remember my scent just like I'd done with him. He began to shed his own clothes and wrapped himself around me while Walter finished undressing. 

When they were both naked they snuggled close to me under the sheets. Their naked skin was hot, feverish. I bucked up against Fox, whispering his name, testing the sound of it on my tongue. He held me still and kissed me. 

"We have all night, so let's go slow. We won't do anything you don't want to. Okay?" 

"I want to make love with you and Walter." 

Walter caressed my hip, surrounding me with his warmth and strength, until I trembled. "What do you want to do?" His voice rumbled close to my ear, breathless. 

I looked back at him, hooking my hand around his neck to pull him down for a kiss. "I want you inside me." 

When he pulled away we were both out of breath. "Are you sure?" 

"Please. I need you to take away all the bad memories." 

Walter pulled me into his embrace. 

"I feel safe with you," I whispered. 

Walter nodded and smiled. "Good. I want you to feel safe and loved with me always, Alex." He turned me in his arms and kissed me softly, caressing my face and lacing his hand through mine. 

They covered me with kisses until I was squirming with frustration. Fox got out lube and condoms, handing them to Walter. Walter asked me again if I was ready. Now I could do nothing but groan with need. 

"Okay, okay," he muttered with a chuckle. 

I lay down on my side and bent my leg to give him access. Walter prepped me carefully and thoroughly, so maddeningly slowly in fact that it was torture. He stretched me with gentle fingers, until I was so ready I pushed backwards on his hand, eager for more contact, for deeper penetration. He withdrew his fingers. 

Fox settled himself between my legs and began to suck my cock with his beautiful mouth. I held on to his thick hair for dear life. Walter steadied my hip, kissing my neck and shoulders while slowly sliding inside of me. He slid his leg between mine, careful not to dislodge Fox. 

He didn't stop kissing me until he was fully inside me, and even then, when he began thrusting gently, he pressed little kisses on my shoulders, neck, my face, my hand which he brought up to his mouth, leaving a moist trail everywhere his lips touched. 

"Alex am I hurting you?" he asked. His voice was full of regret. 

"No. Why?" 

"You're crying." 

I hadn't even realized the tears that were covering my cheeks. I smiled at him and said, "I'm just happy, that's all. Don't stop." 

He nodded and went back to kissing me while he fucked me with gentle strokes. Fox planted his mouth on me again. He seemed content to suck at me slowly, as if I was a pop-sickle. "Fox," I growled. He smiled around my cock. But damn he wouldn't go faster even with my begging. He stopped only long enough to kiss my tears away then started the long trail down to my groin again. 

It didn't take long for me to come, what with Walter's relentless fucking and Fox practicing every single oral trick in the book and some I'd never felt before. I screamed, startling myself and my lovers but they took it in stride. Walter growled behind him and I knew he was in the throes of his own orgasm. Fox sucked me dry and even when I was drained, he kept suckling and kissing my spent cock, shoving his nose into my damp thighs. 

I pulled him up and kissed him long and deep, sucking my own taste from his tongue. He groaned in my mouth and I knew he was feeling the same level of frustration that I had experienced. 

I smiled at him when he pulled his mouth away. I wanted to hear a little inventive begging first before I released him from this torture. He didn't seem to like my smile. He was already pouting. I giggled and pulled him close to me, promising to fulfill him. 

Walter pulled out of me gently and cleaned us up. He looked down at us, a tangle of limbs entwined, smiling and chuckling at Fox's cries. I smiled up at him, all the love I felt for them shining from my eyes and asked him to join us. I was momentarily crushed between my lovers and it was the best feeling in the world. 

* * *

If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Laurel 


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